As children, we were taught please and thank you. The number one thing my parents really pushed, was that “thank you”. It was a way of showing you were grateful, a way to make someone feel good. It was/is Important. I remember constantly as a kid saying thank you, for even the smallest of gestures from anyone.
Now, we are adults. So why do we not follow the same rules?
This past week, I had a conversation with one of my favorite people in the world, Gene from @Starbucksandstyle. She said something that as an adult female, I have been told many many times by different “dating gurus” and she had heard the same…
“People always tell me not to thank people for the bare minimum but you should it’s the little things that count”
To which I raised the roof (& my glass of champs) and cheered a loud YES/Thank you/ Praise tha lord girl ,you get it!
Cold Hard Truth
Now, Let me explain, in the most truthful fashion, why I found this statement SO important.
I spent years, with a boy, who wiped out our savings for drugs more than once. He fought demons, that he couldn’t win against, and I promised to keep his secrets for as long as I could so, that left me borrowing money from my parents to pay bills, get gas, and a lot of times they took me grocery shopping. I told no one, out of pure embarrassment.
- So I thank Houston, for running any big money purchases by me, and I do the same. So that I’m not wondering about large cash transactions. I thank Houston, for paying our bills, filling my car, and checking groceries before we go into hobbies. I thank him, for never touching our savings, and planning for bigger and better things with that money. (Charleston Living-we’re coming for you soon enough)
I spent time, with someone who I couldn’t bring my hurt feelings to. It turned into it being an argument, being told I was stupid,that I was lying, or being made fun of as being “such a baby”
- So I thank Houston, for listening to me. For not yelling at me, for not making fun of me for being upset by things, no matter how little they maybe.I thank him for understanding that I do tend to over explain, repeat myself, and talk too much. And he has never once, raised his voice, lost his cool, or walked away from a serious conversation.
I spent time with someone who wouldn’t get out of bed, ever. Someone who if they had to leave the house, would make sure they ruined the entire day. Someone who spent hours and sometimes days online gaming with other people with nothing to say to me, nothing.… while I sat and watched, just hoping for an interaction.
- So, I thank Houston daily, (sometimes hourly) for spending time with me,for getting up when I get up, for talking to me, for asking about my day, for making plans for us to go grab lunch/dinner/ thrift together. I thank him, for everything he does to be near me. No matter how little or big.
I spent time with someone, who tossed my life upside down every 3-4 months. I lied, to cover for someone, I lied to my parents, his parents, my friends,heck..an ENTIRE Church Congregation. I locked myself away because I had to lie to keep people from seeing the truth in this person because it would destroy them. And because I loved them, I couldn’t destroy them, Ever. Still to this day.
Until finally, I broke, it became too much to bear, I became someone I didn’t recognize or like. I lived in fear of if this person was dead or alive, and I went out numerous times 1-2AM searching for this person, or their wrecked car. (and sometimes, MY wrecked car) I dealt with people knocking on my door all hours of the day and night, for a solid year after I ended this, searching for this person. Searching for a “Fix”
It. Was.Absolute. Hell.
- So, this week, I looked my husband in the face, after explaining and showing some things that no one knew about that relationship, some proof I’ve held onto and kept private, secrets that I’ve held on to for years… (that will never ever be revealed, ever.) And (while his jaw hung in shock) I thanked him, for being Normal. For bringing a life of normal to me. A life that, I always knew where my spouse was, and I never had to wake up alone, and panic. For just being him. For never being a man, I had to lie for or about to my friends and family.
Yes, you read it right.
I Thanked Houston … for just being Normal. Is it sad? Maybe a little. But is it also very refreshing? 1023475 times YES.
Because let me tell you, (and I can hear all my single ladies yelling “YES MA’AM”) … finding normal in this day and age, the day of “let me facebook message my ex”, the day of drugs at any given moment, the day of relation-shits and situation-ships. Finding normal is so hard.
And I get that, I understand.
But when you do find your normal.. Remember this post. And remember- to thank your partner, no matter how small. It reminds them that you notice them, the small gestures they do for you, you see that they are trying in a world that sometimes is so easy to just give up in. They are trying.
So thank them- for ALL the bare minimums.Because if I have learned anything since I was 19 years old- it’s that not everyone you meet/date/come across… is going to even give you the bare minimum. So find the one that does, give you that and even more, think back to your past, and realize that you really are thankful.