You found your way here.
Maybe because you left a narcissist, maybe you’re thinking of leaving one,maybe we’ve had a private discussion or maybe you just want to hear more about my story. This post I’m going to explain to you what happens, when you finally leave and speak up about the abuse a narcissist has inflicted on you, and typically your family,friends, and children as well.I’m going to speak from the core, as this is what I have personally been dealing with for awhile now, and understanding more since my last post.
(It is important to note: Narcissist can be Family,Parents, Exes, Children,Bosses, Friends Etc. A Narc does NOT just have to be a spouse or relationship, and DEFINITELY is not always a male figure.)
I want to start most importantly with, whatever you think is going to happen, however you think a normal human would process you leaving,speaking out, and saying “YOU hurt ME”. Toss all that out the window. ALL OF IT.
I’m sure you’re thinking “they will feel guilty”, “they will deny what they’ve done” “They will peacefully leave me alone because we are adults” – None. Zip. Nadda single bit of this- will happen. And, I, mean… NONE of this will happen. Narcissist are not capable of this, and that is an understanding you need to know before this starts.
What Will ACTUALLY Happen
In the beginning, the narc will feel confused, unable to understand why you could leave them when they’ve done such a good job of tearing you down, and making you feel worthless. It is here, that the mask everyone sees will be removed if it hasn’t been already.
They will become enraged, post things about you online, contact your family and friends attempting to slander you, tell people you were always the problem due to your insecurities, leaving out the fact that they were caused by their actions towards you. They will tell people you were “cheating/lying/abusive/manipulating/abandoned them and their family”, because what’s the number one rule of a narcissist abuser? Always play whatever card for pity, always be the victim. No matter what.
After the rage has sunk in, and they realize that the lies they spill, and tell, no longer have access to you, your well-being or your life. The narc will then pull the move every single person has asked me about, in every conversation I have ever had.
They will go backwards, and refill their “supply” (this is an actual term- look it up here) This leads to them reaching out to their exes who probably also are under their abuse even years later, maybe not even realizing it, reaching out to people they use to date, old friends they have mistreated and ignored,any and everyone even people they don’t know on social media and old family members they’ve had nothing to do with for years.Any and everyone who can help fill their constant need of supply for excessive need of attention and pity.
(Note:: They prey on the weak. Those girls who are going through a hard time being single or never really felt “accepted”. The men going through a divorce or child custody battle who just lost everything. The parents who just want ANY kinda relationship with their child.. People in low places, easily taken advantage of because they want to “belong in someone’s life”-Here – you can read more about The Narcissist “type they prey on, for a group” )
The Comeback Around
Once they have refilled the supply, the narc has a warped idea of how easily they could get you back.
(I promised you all the truth here, remember that) I can not tell you how many times in that very last year of the relationship, my narc got me to continue to associate, respond, even argue to defend myself. With promises of changed behavior, better behavior, therapy session, open phone policy, even crying on my doorstep, begging, you name it.. They will promise it to you.
It could be a simple text of a favorite song you shared or even worse, a full playlist dedicated to you for you to see. It could be “showing up randomly” where you are, It could be a simple “Happy Birthday/Miss You/How are you?”, or even more crossing the line, it could be a simple message sent through your shared children. Always remember, what makes a Narc a Narc? Their skilled ability to easily guilt and manipulate, with no remorse, feelings, or dedication to any of it.
The narc will always come back around for you.Always, and boy are they persistent. (I’m working on 2 YEARS later, of social media posts about me,restricted hang up calls on my phone,fake profile follows and random people reaching out to me, Josh, my parents, etc., contacting anyone I went on dates with, or was spotted with on snapchat)
Because even if they don’t want you back full time, they want to keep you on the supply chain. So that after their next failed relationship, and trust me.. There will be MANY failures. They can turn to you for that refill we discussed earlier. This is where you have to be your strongest.
You have their belongings? Tough. They can replace them. Share kids? Better meet at a police station. Need closure? No you don’t, because it will all be lies from one side anyways. Feel Lonely? Phone. A. FRIEND.
And Finally, The End.
My always famous line you guys/girl all love :
Just Keep Going.
Keep dating. Keep going out. The boys/girls who don’t stick around because “your ex/family/narc of any kind is crazy” They aren’t meant for you. Those that run, aren’t the ones you need. You will lose people as collateral damage when leaving a narc. You will lose those friends you thought closest to you because they will not understand why you’re dealing with it still, you will lose them because a Narc can spin such a tale,and lie and manipulate so easily, it’s hard to believe they are lying THAT well- But they are.
A narc will bring religion, family, friends,children,guilt trips, rumors (typically that they made up,and easily proved incorrect if researched.), your past even from before you even knew them, ANYTHING into it, to try to back their own lies and their own made up stories for pity and sympathy of any kind.
And Eventually, one day, only god knows when because it seems to take forever. The Narc will move on. They will unfortunately, find someone else to abuse, mentally break down, lie to, use, and take from. And you will no longer matter to them. And let me tell you, it’s the best day. It is the BEST DAY of your entire life to date. There’s one more better coming, but it’s not “appropriate to say here”. You will find yourself with someone, more than likely who also suffered serious narc abuse, and they will understand.
And you will be free from the pain, the confusion, the constant disappointment and disgust of it all. So I’m begging you, if you are in an ordeal like this, or have feelings that you MIGHT be… please…
Just keep going.