It’s yet another date that will stick with me. Like a birthday, an anniversary, or a big event. Only this date brings absolutely no positive on it.Maybe a few tears, a lot of stress, and a whole lot of reflection on my part.
On 12/17, I had to wake up super early before work, alone in my house, and sit on a conference call with my victims advocate. In front of several people, I had to relive the living hell I had been placed through. I had to discuss my abuse, my emotional damage, I had to discuss my therapy,my fear, Which I still live with every single day.
But most importantly, I had to discuss what I wanted. What I felt was justice served to someone who destroyed me, my well being, my peace, and my space. They came into my home and destroyed it, I still have the dent in my sheetrock, the perfect shape of an Iphone 8. Where they threw it into the wall so I couldn’t call for help, broke multiple doors off hinges, and kicked my car door backwards so I couldn’t leave.
They came into my life.Mentally destroyed my well being, convinced me I was nothing, worthless, fat, old, that I would never be as beautiful as an 18 year old they were speaking with.
They compared me daily to how “pretty I was at 16, too bad those days are over” , insisted on saving photos of me as a teen in their phone, instead of now. They embarrassed me, in front of my family constantly, out in public was always horrifying, and degrading in front of strangers. Even one time, a nice guy tried to come in and save me from the vulgar treatment he heard me being placed through, which resulted in him being hit, and my Narcs FIRST arrest.
My girlfriends? Were non-existent because no one wanted to be around him. They text me and begged me to please dump that guy, they even told him to his face to go away.
This person had taken everything from me, and then.. They hit me, choked me until I passed out holding their child, pulled my hair, slammed my head against a car window, left me on the side of the road, and told me “soon as I get out, I’m coming back and I’m going to kill you” And finally, smiled, in their mugshot.
(go look it up, I encourage it. It sent chills down everyones back.)
“I Feel Ya”
And here I was, at 7AM trying to explain the justice I felt was equal. Justice I felt was fair punishment. Trying to convince a court what THEY should do to protect ME. Apparently, death was off the table, since they laughed when I said it, and one chimed in “I feel ya”.
Thats not what happen. He still roams the earth somewhere.
The Final Judgement
A Victim’s Fine, Probation, Therapy, No-Contact Orders, Restraining Order and Anger Management.
None of which helped as I’m sure you still see him 2 years later, posting about me,my husband, hell.. posting about My EX husband, (who, god bless him.. constantly offered to “handle” this issue for me, and even told his most recent girlfriend how much he hated my narc)… and my life.-A Major sign of NPD.
That– was what endangering my life was worth to the state. And I don’t know about you, but that lit a FIRE under me. It wasn’t just about me anymore.
I thought back to every single story I had read. Every “missing wife”, every “Girl found deceased” that her boyfriend had the cops called on him before. Even every girl I personally knew, who showed up with weird marks. It flooded me with rage, so much rage, and it lit a fire under me.
I had to get my story out, my whole story. I had to make women feel safe discussing their issues, I had to make this abuse not such a taboo to talk about. And, it’s working. As of today, the day that has such TERRIBLE memories and feelings, since opening this blog. Josh and myself have talked to well over 100 different people.
Some we knew, some we didn’t. Our email box has been filled with women, AND men just wanting someone to understand. Someone to see their pain, their fear, and find out the best way to get out of it. They wanted someone to understand them in this time they felt NO one could.Someone who could explain NPD, who could tell them what was going to happen if they didn’t get out, and someone to say “I know it’s hard..” instead of “Just walk away”
(by the way- never say this to a victim please.. It’s cold)
But we haven’t stopped there.
Then, once people got to know us,heard our testimony, heard our entire truths, saw the way the last 2 months has played for us– It flooded again. This time? With anyone suffering from addiction issues, family issues, and depression issues. Anyone who wanted to come to us and just ask for help, for guidance for direction.How WE got through it, and how to make the best of it and get back on track. How to leave it behind, how to do the hard thing, and walk away complete. And that, fills my heart more than anything else ever will.
We are not professionals obviously, we are just your friends. We just want to see the world as a better place, and we want to help anyone get there if they need it. Your secrets are always safe with us, and immediately deleted afterwards. I don’t hold on to emails, or messages like that, (that’s a total narc move) I have no reason to, nor does Josh. What’s discussed privately will never, “be brought to the light” by us. (Unless we feel your safety is 100% in danger)
A NEW 12/17
So today, 12/17 – This is our day of Thanks. To all of you, Who reach out, let us help you, allow us into your life, and allow us to attempt to cheer you up and give you advice. To those who follow along with us, share us, love on us.. And honestly, those who are our family. We consider each of you who have heard our stories, and not just stood by us, but supported and encouraged us to leave it all behind and find the BEST life. YOU are our family.
We are thankful for you today, and everyday.
So Cheers. To a new year, and a better 12/17. We would love to hear about your “12/17” What is the day that changed you?