This,Is Jaxon, my nephew. He is my heart and soul, the day he was born I fell in love with him completely. I laugh at all his jokes, I get really excited that he wants to hug me and no one else,I’ve dried his tears, held his hand, punished him,cheered him on, and I honestly don’t remember what it was like before him.My heart wants to burst when he enters a room, facetimes me, or even just calls me “My Aunt Rog”.

 Now you’re sitting there thinking, so you would absolutely ADORE having your own kid, right? Wrong.

I’m going to talk about how, I am 32 years old, born and raised in small town USA, married to the love of my life, and never, not once, ever, in my entire life, had the desire for my own kids.

AND THAT IS OKAY

Honestly, having kids was just not something that ever crossed my mind, I never babysat, I never had a babydoll, nor asked for one. I was more into Barbie, and her life.

Please Enjoy this throw back of a 24 year old Me.

While all my friends were having kids, I was adopting dogs, traveling the globe, or starting <yet another> side hustle. I’ve held 2 babies in my entire life, My baby brother,who was forced on me to hold, and Jaxon. That is it. And a BIG shocker is coming.. I have NEVER changed a diaper, EVER.I can be around kids and babies, and never get baby fever, not even for a second. And while I stand on this bed and applaud all moms, and all of you putting in the long nights, and hard work raising the next generation. It was just never a thought in my own mind. Because you know why?

 I am Selfish.

That’s right. I said it!We’re all about truth here, and this is as truthful as it gets.

 I love my time with my husband,who knew from the day we met, I wasn’t wanting children. Love my time alone, love to travel at the drop of a hat and being able to dedicate all the time to my bus with one bed. I love my house being without toys, and sleeping late on Sunday then catching bottomless mimosas, and I love my last minute, and sometimes late night plans.

I love my friends’ kids, and (laawwwd) do I absolutely adore my little smart-mouthed nephew. But that still, does not give me the urge to have children. And again.. THAT IS OKAY

But like I said before, I am southern. Very small town in the south. Being in your thirties without kids, for some reason means there is something wrong with you. You are prodded, and asked, begged by family, and reminded that “you’re not getting any younger” to which you have to find a nice way to reply “oh no, no kids for us.”

 The words I constantly hear:

  • “But you guys would have such cute kids” (Yes, and they would be mean as snakes too)
  • “I don’t understand how you don’t have the mothering intuition.. All women do” (welp, I guess this woman’s broken)
  • “What about your parents? They want grandkids” (Trust me, they know I’d be a bad mom.. Call my dad!)
  • “But who will take care of you when you’re older?” (Well I hope my brother and Jax dont leave me to die)

Think before you speak..

 Ask if they are planning children, and leave it at that. Accept their answers.

These kinds of statements make it seem like my life will be less fulfilling without a child. Simply because I am a woman, I am supposed to want to have children?Even if I don’t want them, I am supposed to have them?

I am supposed to give up my beliefs to satisfy what is “expected of me”, what makes others happy, and not myself…and I won’t do it. I have purposely made this choice for myself, for my joy, my journey, and my own mental health. 

I post this to ask you, be kind.

The way I personally look at it, I have kids. I have Jax, and I have all my friends’ kids I’ve illegally adopted.. that need love, care,attention, and a lot of “you’re not a real parent” advice from me.

They come to me, when things are weird,tough and awkward and they can’t ask an actual parent, and I like it like that. I am their secret keeper, I care for them, direct them, and love them in a totally different mindset than anyone else in their life ever will or ever can …. So How does that make me less?

This Post Has 8 Comments

  1. Laura J.

    As another woman who does not want children, and is 100% okay with this, who thought before I knew my husband I would have at least 1.5 running around right now, I applaud this content. Things change and when new people enter your life circumstances are different. It used to drive me nuts when someone asks me about children, and they not wanting to accept my answer.(I take it as a compliment now and use it as a teaching moment.) I know I have made more than one person uncomfortable when they kept pushing me on my answers when I first got married. I not only think about someone who just plain and simple doesn’t want to have a baby, but what about women who are struggling to have one because infertility issues happen on both male and female sides. This is a valuable lesson on thinking before you speak and how to do research to come up with better questions to engage family and friends.

    1. Roo Houston

      YES YES YES!!

      That is one thing I’m always thinking, If you would ask me who it took me years to finally be able to stand up and say “I dont want children, ever.” Then you are asking other females as well. Those who WANT children, yet cant have them or are struggling. Its something i refuse to ask people because the pressure is already put on them so heavy after marriage!! and trust me, I know all about that making someone uncomfortable with my OWN choices lol I’m glad you are with me on this!!

  2. Taylor

    I loved this post. As someone who has stood by you the last year and watched the complete hell you’ve been given that you never asked for knowing what a beautiful soul you are. I am so proud of you for not letting anyone of them block or dull your constant grace in speaking your truth. You are always transparent, open and most importantly HONEST.
    Some people could take a cue from you.Keep
    Being you keep speaking your truth to max volumes, we are all listening.

    1. Roo Houston

      I am so thankful for all of you, and your love and understanding you have ALL shown me in the past year. I’ve never faced a moment of judgement from my “girl gang” and you’ve not only taken me and my back. But Josh’s as well, and we will never be able to speak enough praises into you guys so that you know how special you each are to us. I adore you.

  3. Bethany

    Years upon years upon years in a church for me. Absolutely no soul has taken me to church quite like you and Josh.

    Your ability to be so open and honest while touching on “uncomfortable subjects” Your ability to not shy away and keep your mouth closed on important everyday subjects that most church people avoid, all while following what god has planned for you and proving to me you don’t need a church. It amazes me more every time I read a post. You are rockstars!

    1. Roo Houston

      THATS WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR!!! Like we always tell people, according to (ahem.. people around here..) We shouldn’t touch on subjects of the truth, we shouldnt say exactly what were thinking, and we should sit quietly, and just put up with whatever comes our way. But thats not us- It will never be us. Respectful? Yes. Censored in what we feel and say? No. As for the church thing.. I’m gonna leave you with J-Houstons Next tatto so you can always– “Remember, Theres no Church in The Wild”

      God speaks to his people ANYWHERE they are. You do NOT have to be in a building, every single week… to hear him speaking to you. Josh and I always follow the path we feel he wants us to be on, because people forget so often, God wants us HAPPY. not just HAPPY God wants us bubbling over with Joy… and if your doing something and feeling stress, worry, or no joy, If something in your life you feel you “have to do” and it just brings you ZERO happiness… CHANGE IT. make that move.

      Big Hugs to you!

  4. Mallory

    MY FAVORITE POST YOU HAVE EVER MADE!!!!!
    At 19, you have no clue how much girls my age need to hear this exact thing. I look up to you so much. the fact you didnt conform to what this society wants you to do. Here you are building a beautiful home. Traveling. Married.being the worlds sweetest couple. You are goals. ADOPT ME PLZ

    1. Roo Houston

      hahaha We will have to discuss adoption. But thank you, I am so glad it could hit you like it needed to. I see so many young girls, and girls my age… just so confused on this subject. I’m so glad you are reading along, and US?!? GOALS?!? well i’ll take it

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