This,Is Jaxon, my nephew. He is my heart and soul, the day he was born I fell in love with him completely. I laugh at all his jokes, I get really excited that he wants to hug me and no one else,I’ve dried his tears, held his hand, punished him,cheered him on, and I honestly don’t remember what it was like before him.My heart wants to burst when he enters a room, facetimes me, or even just calls me “My Aunt Rog”.
Now you’re sitting there thinking, so you would absolutely ADORE having your own kid, right? Wrong.
I’m going to talk about how, I am 32 years old, born and raised in small town USA, married to the love of my life, and never, not once, ever, in my entire life, had the desire for my own kids.
AND THAT IS OKAY.
Honestly, having kids was just not something that ever crossed my mind, I never babysat, I never had a babydoll, nor asked for one. I was more into Barbie, and her life.
While all my friends were having kids, I was adopting dogs, traveling the globe, or starting <yet another> side hustle. I’ve held 2 babies in my entire life, My baby brother,who was forced on me to hold, and Jaxon. That is it. And a BIG shocker is coming.. I have NEVER changed a diaper, EVER.I can be around kids and babies, and never get baby fever, not even for a second. And while I stand on this bed and applaud all moms, and all of you putting in the long nights, and hard work raising the next generation. It was just never a thought in my own mind. Because you know why?
I am Selfish.
That’s right. I said it!We’re all about truth here, and this is as truthful as it gets.
I love my time with my husband,who knew from the day we met, I wasn’t wanting children. Love my time alone, love to travel at the drop of a hat and being able to dedicate all the time to my bus with one bed. I love my house being without toys, and sleeping late on Sunday then catching bottomless mimosas, and I love my last minute, and sometimes late night plans.
I love my friends’ kids, and (laawwwd) do I absolutely adore my little smart-mouthed nephew. But that still, does not give me the urge to have children. And again.. THAT IS OKAY
But like I said before, I am southern. Very small town in the south. Being in your thirties without kids, for some reason means there is something wrong with you. You are prodded, and asked, begged by family, and reminded that “you’re not getting any younger” to which you have to find a nice way to reply “oh no, no kids for us.”
The words I constantly hear:
- “But you guys would have such cute kids” (Yes, and they would be mean as snakes too)
- “I don’t understand how you don’t have the mothering intuition.. All women do” (welp, I guess this woman’s broken)
- “What about your parents? They want grandkids” (Trust me, they know I’d be a bad mom.. Call my dad!)
- “But who will take care of you when you’re older?” (Well I hope my brother and Jax dont leave me to die)
Think before you speak..
Ask if they are planning children, and leave it at that. Accept their answers.
These kinds of statements make it seem like my life will be less fulfilling without a child. Simply because I am a woman, I am supposed to want to have children?Even if I don’t want them, I am supposed to have them?
I am supposed to give up my beliefs to satisfy what is “expected of me”, what makes others happy, and not myself…and I won’t do it. I have purposely made this choice for myself, for my joy, my journey, and my own mental health.
I post this to ask you, be kind.
The way I personally look at it, I have kids. I have Jax, and I have all my friends’ kids I’ve illegally adopted.. that need love, care,attention, and a lot of “you’re not a real parent” advice from me.
They come to me, when things are weird,tough and awkward and they can’t ask an actual parent, and I like it like that. I am their secret keeper, I care for them, direct them, and love them in a totally different mindset than anyone else in their life ever will or ever can …. So How does that make me less?